I know you're not going to believe this, but I used to be normal. Until I experienced the horrible truth.
A boy who lived in my neighborhood named Telly loved Rugrats. I got him Rugrats 67 for the Ningrundoh Smehehh. I was cheap so I got him a copy I found in a dumpster behind a haunted GameStop that was posessed by a ghost named Mel who supposedly stopped breathing because of C02 poisoning or something from breating in a soda bottle molded by Michelle Obama herself in a haunted GameStop that turned out to be the one mentioned earlier. I didn't think anything of it. Anyways the label on the cartridge showed signs of wear and blood that I thought was raccoon poop cuz it was in a dumpster after all.
Man, that's weird. Anyway he started up the vidya game and the title screen had Tommy Cucumbers twitching and screaming and Telly just stared at the screen as the screaming from the game got louder and louder until it was almost deafening. I was like "Dude, press start" and Telly was like "AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" because the screaming was him and not the TV. That's when I knew something scary was going to happen.
Dill was sleeping on the couch when the game started. You had to use the Weemote to wake him up, but instead of waking up Dill broke out of the TV with a machete screaming "True suffering is not known by most people except for Tommy Wiseau because he knows the true pain of MARK!"
Ehhhh, but I didn't let him hurt Telly. He was getting bored so we unplugged the Ningrundoh, but the game didn't shut off. I turned the volume down but it wouldn't go down. I noticed then that there were 666 pixels on the screen, then 13, then 4. The game finally turned off.
And then I went to the GameStop and the manager told me not to go into the kitchen of the Rugrats house, so I naturally did the exact opposite. Stu was making chocolate pudding but it was 3AM instead of 4AM so I knew something was going down. I heard a voice in my ear. "I've lost control of my life". "I've lost control of my life", "I'v lost control of my life", "I've lost control of my like", "I'VE LOST CONTROL OF MY LIFE!"
Duuuhhh but I thought nothing of it. I went to check the mail but then there was a cartridge in there that was this game but with more blood and it had Jeff the Killer, Slenderman, Jane the Killer, Smiledog, the Lavender Town Ghost, The Rake, the Russian Sleep Experiment, Max Headroom, and Shrek on the cover. It was from a friend. But I don't have any friends so it was weird.
Then I put THAT game in, but it was the same game except Telly wasn't screaming on the title screen. He was getting spots. These weren't chicken pox. These were giraffe-esque brown spots on his neck, back, head, face, ears, arms, feet, legs. Everywhere except his testicles. (I don't actually know this because I didn't ask him to drop his pants).
Essentially, Telly's spots killed him on the inside.
Later, I was crying because it was familiar. This happened to me once. My Rugrats mentor gave me a Rugrats game when I was his age and I had spots that put me into a depression. Ice cream was no longer fun for my 5-year-old self. My mentor's name was Leng Leng.
Leng Leng... wait... that's my name... my name used to be Telly. Something's going on. I just picked up a piece of paper that said whoever reads this pasta will have this happen to them? I guess... I guess that...
You're next.